The Odd Day That Got Them All!
by whitefairy
Summary: Opium! Skewered squirrels! Burning malls! Crying Yami! Read inside for more. Hints of Yaoi, anzu and yami bashing. Sanity not included. Now with 8 chapters! Dig it baby!
1. Call me Opium!

Disclaimer: We don't own. You don't sue. Capishe.

Hey as I've got a slight inspiration problem with my Cyoa and lots of inspiration for my original. I have enrolled the help of my evil minion.... No wait I mean fiend no I mean friend.

Marik pov

"MALIK MALIK! Where are you? I'm hungry and I'm bored. By Ra's name where are you?" I stare up at the ceiling; I bet he's ignoring me just because I went through his underwear drawer and ate his lucky pants. S'not my fault he never feeds me, especially now he's locked up the fridge. So now I can't get to my precious precious sugar. "One day, my dear sweet Alexia, my dear sugar, we shall be reunited! Then I shall devour your sweetness, and use it for my own ends. And together we shall rule the world side by side for eternity!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Master Marik?"

I sweat dropped as I spun around to see Odion. At least, I think it was Odion, it sounded like him. But it didn't look like a 'him.' Whoever it was had black fishnet tights, red leather mini skirt, black and silver crop top, and 'his' face plastered in enough makeup to repaint the Sphinx.

"Uhhhh...O-O-Odion? Is that you?"

"Actually I've changed my name to Opium!" he chirped in an unusually high voice, matching Yugi level, giggling madly and fluttering 'his' eyelashes.

"What the drug? Can I have some? PLEASE. I demand you give me some Opium." I realized with horror what I had just said.

"What? Well Master Marik I never knew you felt that way. Hehehehehehehe." He giggled girlishly. He fluttered his eyes madly and glitter flew at me dangerously and he started making advances on me. Oh Ra I've got to get out of here. So I made a dash for the door before he... err I mean she I mean it trapped me.

I ran blindly, not caring where I was going. Ra, this sounds like an angst fic now. Ahem anyway, I ran until I bumped into someone, I curled into a ball and whimpered as I felt my time had come. I opened my eyes to face death in the face and saw the horrific eyes of not the newly named Opium but,

"AAAH! From one drag to another!" Yami glared at me and gave me that self satisfactory smirk of his. Ra he's so annoying why doesn't he let anyone else win, like me. "The only reason he sent me to the shadow realm is because I'm taller then him. And hotter then and better looking on the whole." I thought out loud.

"WHAT? You better looking then me I think not. Any way this leather makes me hotter then you'll ever be." He pulls out a mirror and checks his hair, I roll my eyes. He gets vainer everyday, I swear. Never ever bring up the topic on what he uses on his hair, he goes on forever. I never knew that there were that many products out there. My hair is designed for one purpose and one purpose only. To stab people with. "Kukukukukukuku no that was terrible I'll try again. Pfufufufuf grrr I can't get this laugh right oh well I just go for the original. Mhahahahaha. Wow that's much better." I beamed.

"What are you talking about Marik?" Yami had taken one step away from me and other people were crossing the street to avoid. This guy was an idiot; it was obvious I was trying out different evil laughs.

"I'm hungry and I can't go back to my house for a little while." I thought about it a bit "Make that a few years. I request that you let me in your house so I can eat all your sugar." I stared at him and he glared back.

"Why should I and why can't you go to your own house?" he queried

"Because you're meant to be the good guy who always help those in need and I am in need of sugar. I can't go back to my house because It is waiting for me." I shudder at the thought.

"It? Is it some new found evil you have released on the world that I have to defeat to save the world?" He clenched his fist obviously preparing for this new evil.

"Kind of. Its name it stated was Opium. I got really excited about drugs, but It misunderstood me." I shuddered violently. "Can I have some sugar now?"

"What? NO. We have to conquer this new evil and save the world." He punched the air enthusiastically.

"WE? Stuff that, I'm not getting any where near it. Look the backdoors open. I'm going to bug Ryou and Bakura. They might have some precious sugar. By Ra how I long for you, my sweetest desire. Angel to my eyes, sweet melody to my ears." I sigh deeply.

"Marik, I know I'm hot and everything but I'm just not interested in you." Yami patted my shoulder sympathetically.

"What? Not you idiot, I was talking about the sugar. Now haven't you got a world to save? Get lost."


	2. I knew it was too perfect

Disclaimer: Still don't own. Damn.

Blah: R/B pairing so some yaoi, pointless fluff really, umm...burning malls, Yami and Anzu bashing, skewered squirrels and an unhappy Bakura. Duck and cover!

Ryou's POV

I smiled happily at what a good day it had been, Bakura hadn't done anything wrong, nothing had got broken or sent to the Shadow Realm, he'd actually helped me make breakfast, and tonight we were going to have some personal time at last. I shuddered remembering the last time we tried and Marik had swung in through the window with squirrels skewered on his hair and dripping blood everywhere, claiming that they had tried to sacrifice him to the great nut god. Bakura had not been happy.

"Habibi (sp?), what are you thinking about?" asked Bakura from where he sat on the floor rebuilding his deck ready to take on the 'Baka no Pharaoh' again, though, I swear, all you have to do is say no more hair care products and he starts rocking and crying on the floor. I sweat dropped as I remembered when Bakura and Marik had burned down the mall and burned all the hair care products in Yugi and Yami's house. Poor Yugi had to clean it up by himself as Yami had chased Bakura and Marik all around the town, making various people and objects go to the Shadow Realm. I think he also sent Anzu to the Shadow Realm that day, and forgot he'd sent her there. So we got about a month's worth of happiness before Yugi finally guilted Yami into bringing her back.

I sighed. Honestly, I don't know why we let her hang with us. Maybe, it's because Yugi (lol the pc calls him Yogi) likes her? No he likes Yami and agreed with us that we should get rid of her. Maybe we feel sorry for her? No, everyone has told her to get lost at least ten times. Maybe she has some sort of mind control which prevents us from taking further action to get rid of her?! I jumped at this thought and eeped involuntarily.

Bakura jumped up from the floor and sat by me, holding me close and petting my hair,

"What's wrong, aibou?" he asked softly, I smiled and snuggled into his embrace,

"I just had a terrible thought that maybe Anzu has been controlling us and stopping us from making her go away"

Bakura laughed and held my face with his hand,

"Hikari, don't worry! I won't let anything as terrible as that happen to you. I'll always protect you" he said softly, gazing into my eyes.

I felt us pull near, I closed my eyes, puckered my lips a little ready, and then,

"Bakura! Bakura! Bakura!" I heard the ferverent screams that could only be Marik. I let my head fall forwards. I knew it was too perfect.


	3. The Pharaoh and the Cross Dresser

Disclaimer: I don't own yugioh. Still working on an evil plot to take over the world then I own it. I'll own everything Mhahahahaha!!

A/N: Omigod reviews! OO It's been so long since I've seen them! Well nice ones anyway. And so quick...whoa. Biiiiiiiiiig Thankies to EVERYONE! And bishounen plushies for all! With accessories! Like a gallon of hair gel with Yami. Lol and squirrels to skewer on Marik's hair. Oh and before I forget. Yes Alex helped make this story, I forgot to mention it when I was busy correcting _her_ mistakes in the text. Lol, the things I put up with. Anyway, here are the personal Thankies to all:

Kls () - thanks for being the first to review! And Habibi is a pet name you know like sweet heart and hunny bunny and that junk.

Ytak-The-Dragon-Tamer- Glad you like it! hides sugar in safe heh U

Yamiyugichick- And lo it is done.

Chaos-rulez- Oh sure, _some_one's not on an ego trip ¬¬ throws a Malik and Marik plush far far away Fetch girl! Before the rabid fangirls tear it apart!

Marik pov

I drag myself through the window into Bakura and Ryou's living room. I like making these dramatic entrances, they make me seem evil and spontaneous. Like I could at any second go on a mad killing spree, which would be fun maybe Bakura would join me on what days am I free this week. Well on Monday I'm going to plot world domination, I'll probably try to pull it off on Wednesday. So that would leave Tuesday free...

"Marik what do you want or are you going to stand there all day doing your best to think." Bakura growled.

"Hmm I have obviously interrupted a touchy feely moment. I must ban that when I take over the world." I think out loud. Bakura is now grating his teeth; he should really stop that habit. It will damage his teeth.

"Bakura! Malik has gone out and the fridge is locked and I need my precious, sweet, luscious, pure sugar. Whose warmth smothers me with happiness."

"He's talking about the sugar still." Bakura told Ryou who was looking really confused.

"Marik. Malik doesn't keep the sugar in the fridge he keeps it in the cupboard by the sink." Ryou pointed out.

"WHAT? Why did no one inform me of this sooner? Damn Malik, if I could live without him I'd banish him to the shadow realm. But if I did that I'd have no-one to feed me or do what ever I tell them to. I would go back home now but Bakura I need your help to make some money."

"What do you mean? You can up with a money making scheme all on your own without Malik's help? Wow Marik I underestimated you, I didn't know you could think on your own." Bakura sneered.

"I know I surprised myself. At the moment there is this thing in my house." I shudder "What we have to do is capture it and sell it to a freak show of some kind. Isis isn't even there to stop us we could become richer then we ever dreamed of MHAHAHAHAHAHA MWHAHAHAHAHAHA."

"I don't know, there's this film on tonight that I really want to see and the video recorder attacked me so I had to send it to the shadow realm." Bakura tried to excuse himself pathetically.

Time for plan B. "Yami will be at my house I sent him there to save the world. Remember who's thought it was that made you wear the lady of faith costume, which must have been soooo embarrassing. You could all ways get revenge by beating him in a duel and with me standing behind him and telling you what cards he has, you can't lose."

Bakura leaps up and grabs me by the arm and pretty much drags me to my house. See I can think, I am very intelligent when I want to be.

Bakura and I burst into the living room and saw a sight so grotesque I was stunned and I couldn't move or look away.

"Odion... twitch Pharaoh.... twitch" Bakura looked as taken back is I was by the sight of the two with their tongues down each others throats.

"I'm gonna need therapy for this one. Oh Ra please let this be a dream. Someone pinch me." Bakura pinched me "Ow don't do that you'll bruise me."

"This is no dream Marik. I have finally found the man of my dreams..."Yami babbled on for a bit more I was still I bit psyched out so I didn't bother listening. It was probably a load of friendship crap mixed with the heart of the cards, his speeches all was make me feel nauseous.

"You're not listening to me are you?" Yami glared at me.

"Yeah I was."

Then what was the last thing I said then?"

Think fast, what he normally say?

"The heart of the cards... err... Will guide me?"

"Hmm" his glare intensified. "I still don't think you were listening to me but I'll let you off this time."


	4. The Friendship Freak Arrives!

Disclaimer: These are kinda pointless ya know.

And now on with the fic.

Bakura's POV

"So let me get this straight" I started, pointing at Marik, "you were hungry?"

"ARE hungry" the pointy haired pain in the butt corrected, I waved away his interruption,

"And you couldn't get to anything because your Hikari had locked every possible edible thing away?"

"And some of the inedible (is that right?) things too" he sighed, I raised an eyebrow but didn't dare ask. Marik's freaky 'nuff said,

"And now Odion's walking around as a cross dresser named Opium and the Baka no Pharaoh wants to screw him?" I jerked my thumb backwards at the stairs. Marik nodded solemnly,

"yeah, now I'm gonna have to cope with two drags and one is my arch enemy!" he added, ripping into a jumbo bag of sugar he'd got out of Ra knows where.

"Then you know what we must do" I said seriously, looking Marik in the eye, who nodded and opened a bag beside him on the couch,

"Tape every moment and blackmail him with it!" Marik yelled happily, gulping down the last of his sugar and grabbing me by the wrist, "let's go fearful sidekick!" he screamed, poised for battle.

I rubbed my head and sweat dropped,

"It's fear_less_, and I'm not your sidekick!" I stated before walking off towards Marik's bedroom, leaving the sugar high idiot behind.

Wait he's got the keys to get in. (Marik has a lock on his bedroom door now...)

"Damn" I muttered before looking back at where the moron was still posing, "hey! Are you coming or what?" I yelled, turning around fully.

"I can't" he whined, his face screwed up in concentration, "I'm stuck! I'm paralysed! I can't move!!"

I snorted,

"Serves you right for trying to pose like that Baka no Pharaoh!" I said before turning around and walking away.

Marik POV

"Hey Bakura! You can't leave me here! Wait! Come back! Don't leave meeeeeeee!!"

I cried, desperately trying to move my limbs, I sighed.

"Well at least, it can't get worse" I muttered, "what am I talking about?! Of course it can get worse!!! Those squirrels turn up any moment whilst I'm in my weakened condition and take me to be sacrificed!! Or Odion might turn up and try to hit on me again!! Or the Baka no Pharaoh could turn up and mock me!! Or. or..." I gasped in horror as I looked over to my right, my eyes widened, "or the friendship freak might come and TALK TO ME!!!!! HELP!!! SAVE ME!!!"

I screamed, I wriggled as best I could but I still couldn't move. I screamed more until some thing hit me in the head and everything went black.


	5. Mmmsalty!

Yay! Even more reviewies! So even more Thankies! And even more plushies! throws plushies randomly in al directions Yay!

Sugacoated- Cherries: You gave a review for each chapter! Omigod you're soooo cool! And it will keep updating as long as Alex is high on sugar and Marik gets hit with a rabid blonde girl Ow! X

kls() : Will do! And you can have this anti- Anzu spray to read this chapter!

Chaos- rulez: Quit bigging up your own chapters dammit!! Leave that to the reviewers. And no Ms Alex I expect you to cry! MWAHAHAHAAAA!!

Disclaimer: I don't own yugioh. I wish I did, maybe if I found a magic lamp and wished for it or its only 15 weeks to Christmas I'll ask for it.

Marik pov

I slowly regain consciousness; I was having the most brilliant dream. Bakura and I were killing random people and when they died they turned to sugar and I could eat them. One day I will put this dream into action, but I can't now because I've got a headache.

"OW" I whine "Bakura my head hurts. The squirrels have come back for me; you must save your master."

"Master? I'm my own master, you Baka, like you have the intellect to rule over me. Anyway it's much worse then squirrels, just do your best not to listen to its poison and you'll be fine." Bakura had a hint of fear in his voice on the last comment. I opened my eyes slowly to discover that Bakura and I had been tied up and sat on the sofa.

"Bakura, what's going on?" I give him a puzzled look, "Hey look some sugar I spilt on the floor. Can't... reach... tongue not... long... enough." I tried desperately to get the sugar off the floor to no prevail.

"Quiet, you Baka she might think that we're still asleep. Are you really considering of eating that sugar off the floor?" He must be an idiot; I would never let my precious sugar to waste.

"YEAH!!!! You two are awake, my two best friends." Anzu (A/N: did you know if I try to autocorrect Anzu on my computer, Nazi comes up.) burst in to the room and bounced happily towards us. Just ignore her and concentrate on the gorgeous sugar crystals sparkling in the sunlight.

"You know when I see you two it makes me realise just how special friendship is." Anzu beamed.

"That's strange because when I see you it makes me realise just how much I want to sow your mouth up." Bakura growled.

"HAHAHAHAHA" Anzu laughed slightly over the top "You're so funny Bakura, you always make me laugh. I think we should hang out some more, maybe on Tuesday we could go down the mall together."

"But I wanted to go out on a killing spree with Bakura on Tuesday." I gripe. Then Anzu does the unthinkable. She steps forward on to the sugar. "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO. Sugar speak to me. No don't give in, you're going to be all right. Just stay away from the light. Sugar... no it can't be! You killed the sugar! How could you Anzu? You of all people." I break down into sobs.

"Marik, gosh I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to... It was an accident." Anzu was at the verge of bursting out in to tears.

"Leave us Anzu. Join that Baka no pharaoh in Marik's room." Bakura growled

"Yami's here?!" She seemed to brighten up immensely, forgetting completely about the dead sugar under her feet.

"Yeah and I beat he's at least topless right now so run quickly. He's waiting for you." Bakura put on some fake sweetness. She ran off in a fit of giggles. "Marik. Look at these delicious ropes. They look so tasty, yum. Would you like to eat my ropes?"

"By Ra of course I will. I'm not going to waste good rope, I'm not a Baka like you." With this I start gnawing at the rope. Mmmm... salty.


	6. Yamikins!

Disclaimer: Cheese.

A/N: And the insanity never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friend! Some people starting burning things not knowing why it was and they'll continue burning things forever just because!gets hit in head with various objects weakly Ow...on with the fic!faints

Anzu's POV

Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship Friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship friendship

(Oh dear God make it stop!! OOUUUU)

Pause

Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami Yami yami yami yami yami yami yami yami yami yami yami yami (That's not better!! . )

"Oh my gosh!!" I exclaimed, my eyes widening at the sight in front of me. There, before me, a...a... a..._thing _ was _raping** my** yamikins!!_ (yami...kins?!?!)

"What the hell are you doing to my yami?!?!" I screamed, anger boiling over inside me. The two sprang apart and stared at me.

'Now's my chance' I ran forwards and grabbed Yami, pulling him close to me so I could protect him easily.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" he cried, wriggling crazily, "let go of me, wench! You're ruining my hair!!"

He's so sensitive about his looks, which is another reason I love him so much! I hugged him close, but he struggled like a wildcat. Why would he try to get away from me? Me?! His one true and most definitely not yaoi love! I looked over at the thing, which looked back at me confused. I gasped, and turned back to my yami holding his face in my hands,

"That monster is using some sort of mind control to try and separate us! But fear not my yami! But I know how to stop it!" I grabbed Yami's face and pulled him into a hard and passionate kiss. (I'm skipping the details she thinks of, otherwise I'll be sick!)

Eventually I pulled back to see Yami's breathless face, he took in a breath and looked at me,

"Anzu" he purred, through half lidded, "you dumb bitch!"

I gasped, but before I could respond, something pricked me and everything went black.

Odion (or Opium) POV

I looked over to my love, lowering the blow darts; who smiled back at me. (I'm not feeling very romantic at the mo, so this part might suck ok?) I gazed into his warm crimson eyes and gently stroked some of his bangs behind his ears.

"Ahem" a voice said from behind me, I looked around to find the Tomb Robber leaning against the doorframe, a camcorder in one hand and a camera in the other.

"Say Cheese, Baka no Pharaoh!" he said gleefully before clicking the camera, and running off, "I'm sure your little Hikari will love seeing these!" he shouted.

I turned back to where my love was, to find he'd gone.

"Give those here, you stupid tomb robber!" I heard his voice yell from somewhere in the corridor.

I sighed, realising that this was going to cause a _major_ run in my stockings, then took off after them making sure to step on the friendship freak's head on the way,

"Yami darling, wait for me!" I called.


	7. Guess who's back, back back again!

Disclaimer: Bla bla bla I don't own yugioh but it's on my Christmas list.

A/N: Sorry for the lateness with the updating. I've been swamped by a plague of homework and school friend issues and haven't been able to do much crazy thinking. And I'll thank everyone personally in the next chap when I get normal insane again.

Malik pov

Wow it's been nice to get out of the house for a while; things have been so hectic at the moment. I hope Odion got Marik something to eat which wasn't sugar I can never deal with him on a sugar high.

That's strange the front door has been left open, I've got a really bad feeling about this. I push the front door open and walked in to the living room, there I was greeted with utter chaos. Marik was head first in a jumbo bag of sugar, the only life signs I could pick up was him crunching the sugar. I grab him by the hair and drag his head out of the sugar.

"No my sugar. Malik you evil bitch let me go I was eating that." He moaned.

"the way you're eating it you're going to choke by inhaling sugar, you have to breath remember. Anyway we all need to use that sugar, we don't need your slobber in it." I grab the bag of sugar and let his head fall to the floor with a bang.

When I went to lock the sugar away in the kitchen, I found Bakura and Yami wrestling over a camera. Destroying my kitchen as they went. I tighten my grip on the sugar and smacked the sugar bag around their heads.

"What on earth is going on here?" I demand, I glower at both of them. "Bakura give me my camera back. NOW." He flinches and does what his told. Ha I'm so scary for a Hikari. It's really handy when you have a crazed Yami like mine.

"You see Malik," Bakura explained, "Yami and Odion were screwing each other in Marik's bed. So we thought poor poor Yugi not know the truth about his beloved Yami, he should know. We didn't think he would believe us so we thought seeing is believing so I took a picture and then Yami out of the blue attacked me no provocation or nothing." Bakura looked innocently at me.

"Apart from take pictures of him with Odion and blackmailing him. Of course no provocation at all." I said sarcastically to him. "And Yamiâ In Marik's bed that's just disgusting. I have toâ I mean Marik has to sleep in that."

"Oh so getting a bit of action from Marik, aye." Bakura mocked.

"Oh shut up Bakura everyone knows you and Ryou are at it like bunnies. And don't make me tell Ryou the trouble you've cause me or you wont be getting a sniff for at least a month." Yep that shut him up quickly, I don't think I'll be getting any trouble from him in a long time. "Anyway where is Odion?"

"In the bathroom reapplying his makeup to his heavenly face." Yami sighed deeply and got a glazed look in his eyes. Bakura stared to make sick noises.

"ODION" I bellowed, pretty much the whole neighbourhood could hear me so I guess he did.

"Yes Master Malik." He came bounding up to me like a puppy dog in drag. "Hey that's my eye shadow! And my lip gloss! What have I told you about using my stuff without asking? Anyway look at this mess! what happened? I leave you alone for a couple of hours and all hell breaks loose. Actual I don't want to know, I'm am going to see Ryou before I have a nervous break down and this place better be clean before I get back or you are in so much trouble."

"Wow we're lucky he didn't see Anzu in my bedroom." Marik said with relief. "Oops he's still here isn't he?"

"Yes I am." I take a deep breath and start counting to 10. I get to 3 "WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING IN MY HOUSE?"


	8. why do I feel Im gonna regret this?

Disclaimer: Holy cow! It lives!

Wow, umm, massive sorry to everyone who's been reading and reviewing and thought I'd be quick to update. Heh. I guess schoolwork really makes time fly. But, at last! I have time and shall use it wisely to try and add more chapters to all my stories!

Thankies!

Sugacoated cherries: I'm glad to hear it. Sorry about the stitches!

Chaos rulez: You COULD get off your lazy butt and actually make your OWN account! And spell check it too... I sound like a housewife oh Ra...

Ytak- The- Dragon- Tamer: LOL I'm sooooooo sorry I didn't update sooner. And I would never get annoyed about being reviewed! The more random the better!

Whew. And with that done... ON WITH THE FIC!!

Chapter 8....I think...

Bakura's POV

Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! I can't believe this is happening! OK, let me explain. Well, after Malik totally kicked Marik's butt for letting Anzu in the house and letting Odion and the Baka no Pharaoh make out on the bed, he started yelling and threatening me. I mean, sheesh, he was like a housewife. Unfortunately, he heard me say this to Marik and started going crazy yelling at me about being a jerk and ungrateful and other boring things. Anyway, he could tell I wasn't listening so he ran out the house screaming something about telling Ryou what I'd done and that's why I'm here now.

Running up the street back home as fast as possible. Might have been a better idea to steal Marik's bike. Oh wait, I think of this _now_? I sigh as I run on, praying to whatever god that might just like me a little, that I get home before that whiny Hikari can tell Ryou what I've done. Ra, how fast can he run? Oh man. Hey I can see my house. I run in the backdoor and trample through the house calling out my hikari's name.

"Ryou!! Ryou! Where are you?! I need to talk to you!!" I collapse on the bottom stair, exhausted, and notice the note taped to the banister,

_Dear Aibou, _

_I've gone out for the evening with Malik, he said something about needing to talk with me in private, don't worry I won't be long. _

_Signed_

_Ryou xxx_

It took a while for me to comprehend what this meant, but when it finally made sense....

"ISHTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!"

Ryou's POV

I stare down at my plate. To the left. To the right. Anywhere but in front of me, where Malik seemed to be annihilating his steak rather messily. I mean, I'm used to bad table manners, what with living with my Yami and all, but he seems to just be tearing the steak apart and not really paying attention.

'Better ask him what's wrong now, before we get kicked out'

"Umm... Malik?" I ask timidly,

"Yeah?" he snarls back, sauce dribbling down his chin, he seems to see the fear in my eyes and he soon quietens down, "oh umm sorry Ryou, what's wrong?" he asks as he wipes the sauce off his chin.

"Umm... well what is it you wanted to say to me? You seemed pretty anxious before we left..."

I break off then. Did his eye just twitch? He's looking at me now, and he looks like he wants to tear my head off. I shrink in my seat and really, REALLY wish I'd gone with Bakura. He suddenly smiles, or rather smirks, at me and says quietly,

"That yami of yours has been a very naughty boy" he seems to be relishing telling me this, and his eyes keep flicking up to the window.

"Oh...oh really?" I squeak, 'please don't try and take out any revenge on me, please, please, please!'

Normally, I'd be furiously asking questions about what he'd done, but the way Malik said it made it seem much better to stay hidden here in ignorance.

"Do you want to know what exactly he did?" he continued, purring slightly, I gulp and nod quickly. His smile widens and he leans over a little,

"Well he..."

"ISHTAR!!" roars an 'oh so familiar' voice, "get away from my Hikari!"

I hear screams and things breaking behind me, but I don't dare turn around. All through whatever's going on, Malik's smile just grows wider and wider.

'Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret this?'

I turn around.

Mwahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Cliff-hanger! Man, I love these! Umm... Yeah. Please read and review peeps! And next chapter... Alex will talk to our most loyal readers!


	9. Summer Camp! Foaming Mokuba! Malik has a

Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN IT!!! GAH!!

A/N: Fae: Wow, it's been two years since we last updated this thing! And what the hell happened to chapters 9 and 10??

Alex: Chapter 10 was crap, we tried to put a plot in and it didn't work

Fae: and I think Marik ate chapter 9...

Alex: Well, it's not our fault we got kidnapped before it was even popular to get kidnapped by Bakura just cos he didn't want us to continue with this story!

Fae: Well we're back now, and that means more wacky adventures are due! Adventures with no plotline and plenty of Anzu bashing and Yami bashing goodness!

Alex: and our favourite cross-dresser! (No not Yami, it's Odion! Aka Opium)

Thanks to:

**Rice-Ball247**: Fae: awww don't worry I'll be sure to keep her on a short leash now! Alex: I have to be mean! It's in my contract as the yami here!

**Takkeh**: Alex: only fools are vegetarians! Think of it as poetic license improving his character greatly! Plus noone likes vegetables... apart from potatoes!

Fae: And it could also be we didn't know that when we wrote this heh...

**Yamiyugichick:** Fae: U oh dear…

Alex: (deathglare) well it's gone now so shut up! (Reading off a card) but I guess I appreciate you, I guess...

Ryou's POV

"Oh...my...Ra..." the words seem to slip out on their own as my brain tried to register the carnage that met my eyes. And in the centre of it, looking like the Devil himself surrounded by all this fire, was Bakura. And he looked mad.

"B-Bakura...what...?" I started but drifted off when evil giggling met my ears from behind me. The giggling seemed to further infuriate Bakura and he snarled fiercely,

"What's so funny, Ishtar?" he snapped at the sniggering Egyptian behind me. I turned to look back at my friend to see an insane smirk had twisted itself onto his face.

"You fell into my trap, you fool. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist coming to rescue your poor adorable naïve cute..." a snarl stopped Malik's ramblings which were starting to sound more mushy as he went, "hikari." He smirked at the Tomb Robber who glared back,

"What trap?" he asked suspiciously, giving a small worried look at Ryou and edging towards him protectively. Malik laughed,

"Well my dear stupid Bakura" another snarl cut him off momentarily, "since you decided to wreck my house-"

"What?!" cried Ryou, spinning to gaze wide-eyed at his yami in disbelief. Bakura felt the sweat build on the back of his head and he scratched his face nervously,

"Eh heh, i-it's not as bad as he makes it sound! Honest, Ryou!" cried the yami in a desperate attempt to save himself. Malik felt his eye twitch slightly in annoyance,

"Not that bad?! You destroyed my house! Let the friendship-freak into my house as well as the Ra damned Pharoah! _And_ gave Marik sugar! How is that not that bad?!" screamed Malik, getting shriller until he seemed like a human howler monkey near the end and he was left panting for air. Ryou watched this outburst, stunned into silence, before turned rigidly to look back at Bakura. However, before he could speak, Malik regained his composure and smirked again,

"That's why you're going to pay for everything you've done!" he demanded, crossing his arms to show his stubborness on the subject. Ryou jumped slightly and rushed up to his friend,

"B-but Malik! We don't have the money to pay you back! I-I only just finished paying for the therapy I had to have after Marik burst through the window with squirrels spiked on his hair! A-and I don't wanna go back to the dark place you showed me to work for money! P-please Malik, t-they did things to me! T-they touched me in places I never want to be touched in again!... At least by anyone other than Bakura..." this last bit was muttered quickly under his breath. Malik tutted and rolled his eyes,

"For Ra's sake Ryou! They were only fangirls!" he cried, giving the boy an annoyed look before smirking at Bakura again. "But don't worry, my dear creampuff! You won't need to work for the money this time! Instead, I'm making him" he pointed at Bakura to clarify who he meant, "Work for it! And I know just the place..."

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Normal POV

Bakura growled as the children ran past him screaming excitedly as they headed into Camp 'Happy Place'. He watched as they piled into the camp grounds, screaming, kicking and shoving, all obviously coked up on sugar from where the parents were happy to be rid of them and wanted to make his life hell. Obviously. He looked pleadingly at Ryou, who was counting the children who ran past so he could make sure none 'disappeared' in Bakura's care,

"Do I have to do this?" he whined, pulling on Ryou's shirt for emphasis, "can't I just sell myself for money?"

Ryou scowled at him as he lost count after 1,234 children all hyped ready to cause hell for nature in some way, then sighed at Bakura's pathetic attempt to weedle out of this.

"No, Kura, but at least you'll have Marik to help you!" Ryou smiled encouragingly at his yami who only pouted further,

"Oh yeah, whoopee" he deadpanned, his face getting even gloomier. Ryou gave the yami a pat on the head and kissed his cheek.

"Just try and have fun, and please don't sacrifice any of the children to Diabound. We get enough angry letters and restriction notices as it is!" he begged, giving his yami a desperate look. Bakura humphed at this rule and casually scrapped a piece of paper which he'd written the sacrificial spells on before they left.

"You suck" he moaned and Ryou smiled gently, before turning away,

"Only when we're in bed, Kura" he replied as he headed for where Malik was patting down his yami for any sweets or sugar-laden objects by his motorbike.

"Hehehehe, ohh malik not in public" Marik giggled childishly, Malik just rolled his eyes "Wouldn't it be easier if I just took my clothes off?"

Malik twitched and hit Marik round the head,

"I'm searching you for sugar not feeling you up!" Telling him his real reasons for the search was a bad idea.

"WHAT, MY SUGAR!?! Stay away you adultress hussy." Marik jumped back and glared. "Acting all like 'Marik lets have sex', then stealing my sugar!"

"Public sex... you guys really are low." Bakura shoved both of them out his way so he could look wistfully at the motorbike... he imagined stealing it and riding away with Ryou, Ryou holding onto his waist tightly with his hands rubbing against him reaching lower... and lower...

"PANCAKES!" bellowed Marik, deafening his fellow sufferer and shattering Bakura's fantasy, before speeding out of the camp and straight for a van which was driving past on the motorway that just so happened to have a pancake for a logo.

"Look out for..." Malik yelled after Marik but it was too late Marik ran straight in to a familar brunette.

"Owies." Marik sat on the floor rubbing his head "I nearly had those pancakes.." he looked up and pulled a face of utmost surprise. "It's Stick-Up-His-Ass man!" he noticed the blonde beside Kaiba who looked annoyed at Marik's new nickname for his sex buddy, "and his faithful sex toy, Furry-Dog-Suit boy!" Kaiba hit Marik round the head with his favourite briefcase which he carried everywhere. Marik decided that Seto must carry it around everywhere with him so must be filled with sex toys. For the first time in weeks... no make that months he did the smart thing and kept his mouth shut about his own conclusion.

Malik growled at Seto "I'm the only one allowed to hit Marik for being a moron." Marik hid behind Malik so he was protected from the suitcase of smut. "Anyway what are you doing here seto? I can understand joey being here as he's a dog and children like dogs. And also there's trees for him to mark..."

Joey growled,

"What was that, Blondie?" he snarled, bringing up a fist to threaten Malik further. Malik looked boredly at the fist then yawned,

"Oh yeah, haven't heard that one for a few seconds" he deadpanned, casually shoving Joey into the screaming mass of children. Kaiba glared at the Egyptian,

"How dare you shove him into a crowd of children? Noone deserves that! Well... except maybe Pegasus, but then again he might enjoy it what with his alterego being Michael Jackson and all..."

Malik nodded but still didn't attempt to help Joey out of the mass of children now jumping happily on his crotch, enjoying the high-pitched squeak it caused,

"You still haven't answered my question" he pointed out and Kaiba snorted before pointing to Mokuba who was in a straight-jacket and muzzle and perched on a trolley. Malik peered slightly closer at the younger Kaiba, but didn't dare get too close for fear of it being some sort of trap, and he noticed the white stuff around Mokuba's mouth.

"Ah... I see" he straightened up again then smirked slightly as another wicked plan began to form in his mind. "Ohh Bakura is gonna love this!" Seto glared at malik.

"What the hell has that baka got to do with Mokuba!" He demanded being the overly proctective brother he was. "What are you doing here as well?"

"Creating mayhem and money at the same time." Malik explained

"Me And My sidekick bakura are looking after Children!!!" Marik randomly bursted in to the convosation, a child clinging to his hair desperately and its mother in tow attempting to free her child.

Kaiba and Malik just watched as the psycho ran around laughing insanely, the child laughing too and the mother crying at the degeneration of her child's braincells to that of the Egyptian yami. Then Kaiba turned slowly to Malik, glaring, who smiled back as nicely as he could despite sweat accumlating on the back of his head,

"Hey don't worry! Mokuba will love it here!" said Malik in an overly cheerful voice which he'd managed to achieve through many years of making fun of the friendship-freak. However, Kaiba seemed immune to cheerfulness and only glared more,

"Oh really? And are you going to make sure of it?" he asked cooly, crossing his arms and taking the hikari by surprise,

"H-huh?" he said, looking shocked. Kaiba looked at the group then back at Malik.

"Do you really believe I'll leave my little brother in the care of your psychotic excuse for a yami and the kleptomaniac?" he asked rhetorically, making Malik blink slightly.

"Um... yes?" he answered anyway, looking slightly confused by Kaiba's question. He however got the feeling this was the wrong answer as Kaiba's eye started to twitch. He watched the twitching slightly,

'Oh my Ra, is that how _I_ look when my eye twitches? I gotta really stop doing that then' he thought, but didn't notice Kaiba getting more irritated.

"Well, I pay this camp £100,000 to the camp supervisor who looks after Mokuba and keeps my little brother entertained for the summer and I don't want that money to be wasted as he gets corrupted!" he declared causing money signs to appear in Malik's eyes. Malik wrapped an arm around Kaiba's shoulders,

"D-did I say that Marik and Bakura would be looking after Mokuba?" he laughed hysterically, then he smiled widely "I meant that Ryou and I will be looking after Mokuba personally! Marik and Bakura get to watch the other kids! So uh, do you wanna pay me with cash or cheque?" He beamed at Kaiba, trying to appear the ideal responsible adult despite the random explosion that had just happened behind him. Kaiba looked at him suspiciously,

"Well... I guess Ryou is responsible at least..."

"Great! So do you wanna pay me in cash or cheque?" Malik cut off Kaiba's thought process, hand outstretched expectantly. Kaiba glared at the hand until Malik withdrew before turning away.

"I pay the supervisor AFTER the holiday! Have fun at camp, Mokuba" he said over his shoulder, receiving a random foaming in response from Mokuba and a stunned jaw-dropped expression from Malik.

Alex: Woooow that's long, I hope you guys don't get bored reading something this long cos I know mortals have really short attention spans... wait I have to be nice so I'll balance it out by saying that we love you lots cos u read our stuff... if you don't like it blame Fae; if you like it then praise me.

Fae: gee thanks


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